I hooked up with this weird girl
from the app fuckdate. Her profile was just a blurry picture of a ceiling fan and the word "yes." I should have known right then. She showed up at my door wearing a raincoat, but it wasn't raining. Inside, she was wearing nothing but a t-shirt for a band I'd never heard of and mismatched socks. She didn't say hello, just walked in, sniffed my air freshener, and said, "Lavender. Predictable."The weirdness really kicked in when she pulled a jar of pickles out of her coat pocket, set it on my coffee table, and said, "These are for later." I didn't ask questions. We got to it, and halfway through, she just stopped, looked me dead in the eye, and asked, "If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?" I was so thrown I just blurted out, "A... maple?" She nodded sagely, like I'd just revealed the secrets of the universe, and then went right back to business as if nothing had happened. After we finished, she ate three of the pickles in my bed, got dressed, and left without another word. I haven't been able to look at a jar of Vlasic the same way since.