My last date started going sideways the
moment I saw her standing by the soda machine, looking as out of place as a ballet dancer at a monster truck rally. I'd suggested McDonald's because it was cheap, casual, and, most importantly, I was broke. She'd agreed…
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4h • 0 replies
Was supposed to hookup with tinder match
last night but she was a noshow. Classic. I had already done the whole pre-game ritual, too. The tactical shower, the strategic spritz of cologne that says "I put in effort but I'm not trying too hard," and the mental…
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11h • 0 replies
Even with the apps it still takes
me forever to match. I swipe until my thumb aches, a mechanical motion of rejection and hope. I see hundreds of faces a day, a scrolling parade of people I'm supposed to desire, and it all blurs into a single, generic…
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2d • 0 replies
For ninety-three days I've gone through a
period of sexual abstinence. I'd sworn off all sexual activity, convinced it would clear my mind and help me focus on personal growth. What it actually did was make me intensely aware of every phallic-shaped vegetable…
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3d • 0 replies
I have three girls on the hook
that I've met online, and honestly, wrangling them is my new favorite sport. It's less about romance and more about being a master strategist in a very low-stakes, high-reward game of human chess. There's the…
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5d • 0 replies
I just recently got divorced from a
14 year marriage and kinda struggling finding a date. Bars and stuff like that don't seem to work for me lol, I'm not that attractive to women. Loosing a few pounds might help. Still going thru a bunch of apps right now…
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6d • 0 replies
So last night rolled around, and I
was fresh out of fucks to give about anything that didn't involve a happy hour and a guaranteed score. My phone buzzed. Instabang. A new match. Her profile pic was pure gold—all teeth and a bikini that was probably…
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6d • 0 replies
I make a habit out of setting
up online dates and cancelling. It's my real hobby, honestly. My art form. The build-up is everything. I'll spend an hour crafting the perfect witty texts, picking out a shirt that says "I tried, but not too hard," and…
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1w • 0 replies
My date last night was a fuckn
disaster. It started the second I walked into the restaurant and saw she had used her profile picture from at least fifty pounds and a decade ago. Not just a little older, but like she had time-traveled from the future…
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1w • 0 replies
So I was fucking around on that
LickToLike app, the one where you swipe right to lick and left to like. Dumbest shit ever but it is better than Tinder at this point. Swiping through endless profiles of basic bitches and then I see her. Some chick, 22.…
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1w • 0 replies