w4sex — awkward date

The last guy I dated wouldn't eat

me out so I had to punish him. We were making out on his couch and I was already so fucking wet, grinding on his lap, but when I pushed his head down between my legs he actually pulled back and said “nah I don’t really… Continue →

2d

My first app date was supposed to

be casual, but it turned into a comedy of errors. We matched, talked for two days, and decided to meet at his place. The moment I walked in, his massive dog jumped on me, knocking over a vase that shattered everywhere.… Continue →

1w

You'd be surprised how many old ladies

use dating apps these days. I know I was. I swiped right on Margaret thinking it would be a polite, maybe even boring, coffee date. She was 72, a retired librarian with a kind smile and pictures of her prize-winning… Continue →

3w

The last time I had sex with

someone new, twenty minutes was spent in my bathroom before the date staring down my own penis and delivering what I can only describe as a pre-game motivational speech usually reserved for nervous athletes before the… Continue →

3w

Fucked my first cougar that I met

on a dating app, and I think I accidentally dated my way into a new species of human. Her profile said "48 and fabulous," which I now know is ancient code for "I have the energy of a coked-up squirrel and the libido of… Continue →

3w

The last girl I dated had some

deep fetishes. I'll never forgot her saying.. Let's debate whether it's hotter to tease each other all night until we're shaking with anticipation, or to skip straight to the part where your pushing me up against the… Continue →

4w

My libido is a runaway freight train,

and most days, I'm just hanging on for dear life. It's not a cute, playful "I'm feeling a little frisky" kind of thing. It's a constant, low-grade hum under my skin that turns into a full-blown roar if I go more than 24… Continue →

1mo

My dating profile is a work of

strategic chaos, a carefully constructed trap I've laid to weed out the unworthy. The main photo is a shot of me holding a massive catfish. I have this tiny smear on my face that I tell people is fish guts. It's a test.… Continue →

1mo

I hooked up with this weird girl

from the app fuckdate. Her profile was just a blurry picture of a ceiling fan and the word "yes." I should have known right then. She showed up at my door wearing a raincoat, but it wasn't raining. Inside, she was… Continue →

1mo

My last date started going sideways the

moment I saw her standing by the soda machine, looking as out of place as a ballet dancer at a monster truck rally. I'd suggested McDonald's because it was cheap, casual, and, most importantly, I was broke. She'd agreed… Continue →

1mo

Even with the apps it still takes

me forever to match. I swipe until my thumb aches, a mechanical motion of rejection and hope. I see hundreds of faces a day, a scrolling parade of people I'm supposed to desire, and it all blurs into a single, generic… Continue →

1mo

I just recently got divorced from a

14 year marriage and kinda struggling finding a date. Bars and stuff like that don't seem to work for me lol, I'm not that attractive to women. Loosing a few pounds might help. Still going thru a bunch of apps right now… Continue →

1mo

I make a habit out of setting

up online dates and cancelling. It's my real hobby, honestly. My art form. The build-up is everything. I'll spend an hour crafting the perfect witty texts, picking out a shirt that says "I tried, but not too hard," and… Continue →

1mo

My date last night was a fuckn

disaster. It started the second I walked into the restaurant and saw she had used her profile picture from at least fifty pounds and a decade ago. Not just a little older, but like she had time-traveled from the future… Continue →

2mo

So I was fucking around on that

LickToLike app, the one where you swipe right to lick and left to like. Dumbest shit ever but it is better than Tinder at this point. Swiping through endless profiles of basic bitches and then I see her. Some chick, 22.… Continue →

2mo

Dated this black hottie I found on

the bootycallz app and the connection was electric in a way I hadn't anticipated. What was supposed to be a straightforward, no-strings-attached hookup turned into hours of conversation, her laugh echoing in my… Continue →

2mo