w4sex — safe sex

You'd be surprised how many old ladies

use dating apps these days. I know I was. I swiped right on Margaret thinking it would be a polite, maybe even boring, coffee date. She was 72, a retired librarian with a kind smile and pictures of her prize-winning… Continue →

2d

The last time I had sex with

someone new, twenty minutes was spent in my bathroom before the date staring down my own penis and delivering what I can only describe as a pre-game motivational speech usually reserved for nervous athletes before the… Continue →

4d

Fucked my first cougar that I met

on a dating app, and I think I accidentally dated my way into a new species of human. Her profile said "48 and fabulous," which I now know is ancient code for "I have the energy of a coked-up squirrel and the libido of… Continue →

4d

Me and my buddy like to go

the bars and pickup one girl to bring home for sex. It's a system, he's the bait, the charming one with the easy laugh who buys the drinks and makes her feel like the only person in the room. I'm the closer, the quiet… Continue →

1w

Since I'm impotent and can no longer

get an erection, I let my wife use dating apps to meet men to bring over to the house and fuck. At first, it was just about letting her get off. A few hours before the meet, I'll start cleaning the house meticulously,… Continue →

1w

I forgot to take my birth control.

Oh god, I just realized I missed yesterday's pill too. We just had sex and he didn't pull out. I'm probably ovulating right now. I can't get the morning-after pill until tomorrow. This is a disaster. Continue →

2w

Been sexting with this 42yr old lady,

and our conversations have devolved into the most depraved, detailed exchanges I've ever had. She doesn't just talk about fucking either! She describes in exquisite, filthy detail how she wants to tie my hands behind my… Continue →

2w

The girl I was with last night

really likes her sex toys! Before I even touched her, she laid out an impressive collection on the nightstand: vibrating dildos in various sizes, a curved glass wand, anal beads, and a wand massager with a rabbit… Continue →

3w

The last girl I met off a

dating app gave me an STD, and the irony is that the burning sensation I started feeling a week later was less painful than the realization of how carelessly I'd thrown away my health. We'd used a condom for… Continue →

3w

Was supposed to hookup with tinder match

last night but she was a noshow. Classic. I had already done the whole pre-game ritual, too. The tactical shower, the strategic spritz of cologne that says "I put in effort but I'm not trying too hard," and the mental… Continue →

4w

For ninety-three days I've gone through a

period of sexual abstinence. I'd sworn off all sexual activity, convinced it would clear my mind and help me focus on personal growth. What it actually did was make me intensely aware of every phallic-shaped vegetable… Continue →

4w

My date last night was a fuckn

disaster. It started the second I walked into the restaurant and saw she had used her profile picture from at least fifty pounds and a decade ago. Not just a little older, but like she had time-traveled from the future… Continue →

1mo

So I was fucking around on that

LickToLike app, the one where you swipe right to lick and left to like. Dumbest shit ever but it is better than Tinder at this point. Swiping through endless profiles of basic bitches and then I see her. Some chick, 22.… Continue →

1mo

Dated this black hottie I found on

the bootycallz app and the connection was electric in a way I hadn't anticipated. What was supposed to be a straightforward, no-strings-attached hookup turned into hours of conversation, her laugh echoing in my… Continue →

1mo