w4sex — tinder bio

My dating profile is a work of

strategic chaos, a carefully constructed trap I've laid to weed out the unworthy. The main photo is a shot of me holding a massive catfish. I have this tiny smear on my face that I tell people is fish guts. It's a test.… Continue →

6d

Was supposed to hookup with tinder match

last night but she was a noshow. Classic. I had already done the whole pre-game ritual, too. The tactical shower, the strategic spritz of cologne that says "I put in effort but I'm not trying too hard," and the mental… Continue →

1w

Even with the apps it still takes

me forever to match. I swipe until my thumb aches, a mechanical motion of rejection and hope. I see hundreds of faces a day, a scrolling parade of people I'm supposed to desire, and it all blurs into a single, generic… Continue →

1w

For ninety-three days I've gone through a

period of sexual abstinence. I'd sworn off all sexual activity, convinced it would clear my mind and help me focus on personal growth. What it actually did was make me intensely aware of every phallic-shaped vegetable… Continue →

2w

So last night rolled around, and I

was fresh out of fucks to give about anything that didn't involve a happy hour and a guaranteed score. My phone buzzed. Instabang. A new match. Her profile pic was pure gold—all teeth and a bikini that was probably… Continue →

2w

So I was fucking around on that

LickToLike app, the one where you swipe right to lick and left to like. Dumbest shit ever but it is better than Tinder at this point. Swiping through endless profiles of basic bitches and then I see her. Some chick, 22.… Continue →

2w

The last girl I hooked up with

on tinder was a complete mess. When I pulled her panties down, I got a strange whiff of something? I was like, I'll let you suck my dick but we ain't fucking! She gave me this weird look but took me up on the offer… Continue →

3w

Found this girl on Tinder a few

months back and she looked incredible in her photos, but in person she was even better. We met for drinks and the chemistry was immediate - her hand kept finding my thigh under the table, and every time she laughed,… Continue →

3w